Destiny Calls Part Deux

First of all, I think my last little blog concerning ferrets, thighmasters and blinged out preachers got misinterpreted. My wife was briefly worried that I was unhappy with our life. I also received an e-mail from a certain someone who got a similar feeling and asked me, "Was it my destiny to get pregnant on my honeymoon and continue to populate the world with children that obviously have hearing problems (b/c they don't listen unless there is a Home depot stick in my hand)..... was it my destiny to wind up driving a minivan that mostly looks like a rolling Waste Management mobile.......was it my destiny to marry a man that always looks better in his jeans than I do?" Uh, I was just trying to tell a funny little story. Well, without offending my wife or any other female reader I will share another semi-incredible (not really, but slightly funny) story from work. Does anyone remember these pictures that got e-mailed around some time ago?:

Well on Friday I have this guy in my office and he's from Cutoff, Louisiana. So I ask him what he does and he says that he manages a staffing company for one of the oil field companies and that he tends bar at a pub in Cutoff and that he's also a "minister". I ask him if he has a church and he says that he doesn't, but asks if I ever saw "The Camo Wedding" on the internet. At first, I didn't remember and then he starts telling me about a duck camp and I remembered. Well he whips out his i-phone and starts showing me pictures and there he is, The Reverend Stephen Caballero. He told me that he ran into the couple not long ago and they have a little girl now and you guessed it........"Camo Baptism" is coming soon. You heard it here first. Another ray of sunshine from our old friend Fortunna.

Of course I've had more famous people than Reverend Stephen in my office before. I once did some notary work for The Black Rhino. He didn't even carry his own driver's license, a member of his entourage did it for him. This was when he was really at the peak of his career probably about a year or so before he fought Tyson. See here for more info on the Rhino: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clifford_Etienne

And the most famous person I've ever encountered at work would have to be the very lovely Donna Douglas. Please note that every time I ever saw her (a total of maybe two times) she was wearing the top that she has on in this picture.

Well, we've got to get ready for Mardi Gras this week. The famous people that I remember seeing at Mardi Gras in the past are, Harry Connick, Jr. , Brad Paisely, Elijah Wood, K.C. and the Sunshine Band and that's all I can remember, but what an illustrous group. Who is the most famous person you've ever seen in person? Who would you like to see? Well for me, the most famous person that I've ever seen in person would have to be the aforementioned, Donna Douglas. As for who I would most like to see in person, well that would have to be Ned Beatty, Jr.

Always listen when Destiny calls

Sometimes you look around and ask yourself, "Have I become the person that I am destined to become? Have I reached the pinnacle of my talents and abilities?" I mean Bobby Jindal is 36 and just got elected governor and I'm 32 and am a lowly title attorney. Is this my destiny? There are days when you feel like you could do so much more and you're surrounded by folk that really aren't your professional or intellectual peers? Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Anyone.....

And then there are days when the stars align and something happens and you realize that some sort of kismet roulette wheel has landed on your number. My day at work today was just such a day. I went into my secretary's office to ask her something and I noticed something near her desk. "Is that what I think it is? Why I think it's a thighmaster" "Sheilla is this a thighmaster?" I asked as I picked it up and noticed it was in less than pristine condition. "Oh, my ferret chewed on my thighmaster." Well ladies in gentlemen I'm no Bobby Jindal, but I don't care because I was there when someone said, "my ferret chewed on my thighmaster." When has that sentence ever been uttered in the history of the universe? When? Never, that's when, I tell you . "Thighmaster" and "ferret" in the same sentence. Consider stars aligned and destiny fulfilled. I went around the rest of the day asking people if their ferret had ever chewed on their thighmaster. And so I ask you, my loyal readers, "Has your ferret ever chewed on your thighmaster?"

Well, if the thighmaster/ferret combo wasn't enough to make me feel destiny fulfilled I had yet another episode where Fortuna smiled upon me. I had a closing today where a young upstart evangelical church was purchasing a big empty commercial building to expand their ministry. I had done the closing several years ago when they bought their first structure and now it was time for them move on up to a much bigger location. The Pastor has been in and out of my office several times in the last month or so dropping off things and asking questions. He has always been sharply yet casually dressed. On his last visit he indicated that he would bring the church secretary and the church's lawyer to the closing even though he knew they weren't really needed. It's time for the closing and I go out in the waiting room and there is this church entourage, if you will and the Pastor decked out in the most incredible regalia I think I have seen in person. Not Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor dreamcoat regalia, but more like MTV Music Awards regalia. Pastor was sporting Dior sunglasses, pin striped pants, alligator loafers, stripped shirt with paisley tie and lots of "ice" as the kids would say. As I shook his hand his big shinny "platinum" bracelet became wedged between our hands and as we shook firmly it cut into one of my fingers causing much pain. Now, I didn't indicate that any pain was inflicted, but when I left the closing to make copies I examined my finger and found that a red blood blister type thing had formed. It dawned on me, "How many times will an evangelical preacher's gaudy jewelery cause me injury?" Undoubtedly never again. Yet another bizarre alignment of bizarre events landing in my cosmic lap.

I suggest to those of you who are feeling underwhelmed to hope. John Edwards/Barack Obama hope, hope that one day you will experience your own personal ferret/thighmaster/gaudy preacher jewelry injury trifecta of purpose driven cosmic self fullfillment. Trust me you won't be sorry

On the unintended historic preservation theme note I heard today that the Mansfield Elementary/High School demolition has begun. My Mom also told me that the Mansfield Female college group is hoping to move an old church from across the street on their campus. Turns out the old church that once housed the Jehovah's Witnesses in Mansfield was the original Methodist Church and was later moved to it's present location. It is apparently quite old. I have a picture somewhere! Oh and another positive note is that the EBR school board has approved a plan that will spend an obscene amount of money to renovate Baton Rouge High, alma mater of Bobby Jindal and my friend, Rhett Morris. A victory for historic preservation.

The New President of Iowa is....

I can't help it. I love politics. I hate it, but I love it. I love "Hardball". I love wonks and talking heads and all these sort of people. I hate Senator Hillary Clinton. Whereas some men love and are obssessed with sports or hunting or golf, I am obessed with politics. I have come to know that I can't spend too much time obssessing because it is such a depraved subject. No good comes of it. There are no good candidates. I'll have to say I don't get why folks don't gravitate to John Edwards. Have you ever seen this guy? He looks amazing. He is an incredible speaker--I don't know if there are any better. He's been married to the same woman for a couple of decades. He loves poor people and has made that his number one cause. No other candidate has been to New Orleans more than he has. I never knew why he didn't win the nomination in 2004, but of course I never understood how Kathleen Blanco got elected. Well, I don't know if he can get it this time or not, but he intrigues me and inspires me. If you want change there is no other candidate than Obama. I took an online quiz the other day to determine which candidate I share the same views with. You know who my candidate should be? That's right, Mike Gravel. I'm not really sure who he is, but second place went to John McCain. I've been a fan of his since I read a great book called "The Nightngale's Song" by Robert Timberg about ten years ago. It detailed the lives of several graduates of the Naval Academy. Around that time I had finished my first semester of law school and not finished so high up in my class and I was proud that McCain had finished about fifth from the bottom at the Academy. I like his Mavericktude also. He's got a good shot going into New Hampshire. I don't care for Giulani. I like Obama. I like Edwards. Hillary is a oppourtunistic whore. Oh, and David Vitter is a hypocrite and should resign. I'm still waiting on my apology from him, not for patrionizing a prositute, but for condeming gay marriage in the name of family values while patronizing a prostitute. I demand an apology. But here's the thing for me: I think you need the candidate who at the end of the campaign is the same as at the beginning of the campaign whose election whoredom won't really change them and I think that candidate is McCain. So, if you want to know who Chuck Norris' candidate is (and undoubtedly my grandfather who loves Walker Texas Ranger does) here's his candidate:

I didn't even re-read this ramble once. I bet it shows.